that girl in the mirror

i ask myself sometimes what i'm trying to do with my life. there's a bad side to me that i feel is starting to equal my being good. well if you get what i mean. i am trying to be serious here. :) i know my parents place no pressures on me with the fact that i am a pastor's kid. which is why i probably love being one. and i love God extremely. He's everything to me. but still i guess every person has a rebel inside them but i don't get why i have one. i know i have no deep grudges against my parents.. and i know i am a good enough daughter... but my lungs and liver would probably disagree. and i no longer want to dive into details. thing is i've always had that part of me and i've always wanted to shake it off. but i don't. it's a really big difference...wanting something and not doing anything about it. now i want to be strong enough.. but it is my last year in college.. and maybe my last year in the Philippines. maybe things will change then. so can i just stay like this for now.. crazy. semi-rebellious. and yet compassionate and headstrong on the other side. schizophrenia yes. although i do wish someday that this would end. and when i stare at my reflection in the mirror, i'll love the whole me.