the musings of a cooped up biatch

well so far what's new? NOTHING.
there's actually nothing to say but i feel compelled to write/rant/rave.. i don't know.. what crazy thing have i done lately? nothing really.. i was gonna audition for highschool musical but the butterflies in my stomach caused me to fly away.. wahaha! i guess i'm still too chicken for that.. SOON. i'll keep that promise this time around (i hope)
i need more confidence training!! or dance lessons.. my waterloo waah! haha..

so what else? i'm still in school.. my life is annoyingly mundane.. good thing i agreed to being a stage manager for the same production i chickened out on auditioning for.. nyahahaha! without that i'll be roaming these boring walls of school and nerd out the rest of my life.. i need songs near me! haha.. pero sure na ba yun? will let you know...

seriously now, i'm stuck in a place where i know i belong in but it's starting to lose its sense of home. maybe things have turned out as different as possible and i guess i'm starting to recheck every little tidbit of my life. it could be as simple as starting to exercise and get fit again to BIG decisions like taking up med or leaving after college. when i look back, i've bitched about so many parts of my life without doing anything about it. i just hope that starting RIGHT NOW i'll be able to convince myself to change and work on everything that i just used to complain about. resolutions aren't just for new years.. i want to start mine now!

The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.

Oprah Winfrey (1954 - ), O Magazine

a thought

some things don't allow themselves to be committed to mere memory..
they ask for a permanent place in your heart
and you just can't say no.

the real deal for me

i don't understand why the world tells us to be hitched the moment our hormones decide that we are attracted to a person of the opposite sex. in line with that, during family reunions the usual question would be, "may boyfriend ka na ba?".. and when you say no they never believe you.. so why ask in the first place?! why do people think that being single (even for 19 year olds like me or younger) is a lesser choice? well "titos and titas" (mostly titas) it's NOT. it's also an important choice, just like choosing to love. it's sad 'cause single people always end up thinking that something is wrong with them whether they're too fat, too intimidating or too smart. well in this age, people, there is nothing wrong!!

when i chose to fix my priorities, basically studies first, i had to decide against other commitments that will demand too much time and effort from me. partly it was because i had a bad relationship beforehand, but now it's just a choice, a much better one. if i decided that i can't handle both studies and a serious relationship at this exact moment, it's not because i'm hung up on someone or i hate boys or i couldn't risk getting hurt.. i get hurt a lot, and i survive even if i get up slowly.. for me it's always a big thing.. if i let you in, i trust you to accept every little tidbit of me.. and not too many can do that.. but hey, i'll accept every little tidbit about you..

dig this, i'm actually already thinking of the guy i'll be with and how i won't be able to be with him right now 'cause i'll be deciding to prioritize thesis time over time with him.. and that's just sad and really hard. but that's just for now. i didn't do it cause i wanted to be alone and fat.. haha.. some guy friends judge me by saying i'm too picky and that there are actually good guys "like them".. yeah there are good guys.. but dear guy friends, don't think so highly of yourself when you actually pull chairs AWAY from a tipsy girl just so y'all can laugh when she falls.. see? and i hear complaints from y'all 'bout tiny little tidbits in your relationship when actually true love and true commitment can surpass that.. we're still young, we're more childlike than mature. and i guess i accepted that fact and enjoyed it. i won't be a kid for too long and there's plenty of time to wait. and some guys there are worth the wait. so i don't need to say yes to every guy i like or smiles my way.. when i say yes, (for real yes to someone) it would be him. that person whom i'm gonna risk it with and spend the rest of my hectic and sometimes boring life with. time isn't worth wasting with someone who isn't THAT person.

so the next time people ask, maybe instead of saying NO and get teased or worse judged, i'll say i'm just waiting for the right person to come along. and aren't we all?

it's been ages...

...since my last post.. :D well not really, just based on my standards.. hehehe.. i miss blogging and all that.. soo what's new??? i just celebrated my 19th.. check out the pics in my multiply site.. it was a kiddie thing.. really hard to pull off.. and i wasn't that satisfied.. hehe.. kulang sa games..

a lot of things have been going steady.. like my grades and well basically my life.. so there's really nothing much to say there...

the only biggie that's been bothering our family lately is my lola's cancer.. we're an uber close lot and it's just really painful to lose someone.. especially our lola who has always been caring and really generous.. haaay... we just hope and pray na she doesn't suffer much and that she enjoys every last day of her life...

well that's it... pray for lola... and for her sons and daughters.. and us kids na rin..