pursuit of HAPPINESS

i had a long talk with an old friend recently, who kept forcing me to admit that i wasn't happy, and when i told him i was he couldn't even believe me. weird. oh but i still love the dude, but the really weird part was when he sent the quote the morning after about how happiness and finding life's meaning happens when you open your heart and fall into the arms of someone. hahaha. mushy beyond imagination. but i can't blame the guy who has just recently fallen in love and well i'm happy for him BUT i DON'T believe him. i think that before truly being able to open your heart and well fall into the arms of that special someone you should have already found meaning and happiness in your life and 'cause it overflows you want to share it with someone. i know i'm young and i probably don't know a whole bunch yet, but love that truly lasts happens when two happy people get together 'cause it's not about completing each other, it's about complementing each other. those with problems and insecurities fall into the arms of someone cause they can't handle things alone and sometimes love becomes dependence and then it just gets tiring. so being single doesn't mean being sad. that's plain wrong :) i know people in relationships (aka in someone's arms) who don't consider themselves happy. but whatever position one is in he or she can be happy. that's what i truly believe. it's all about trust in God and doing what you love most and finding who you truly are amidst this world of pressure and labels. before anything else, you have to be happy yourself then allow yourself to fall into someone's arms :)

finally bracesless

i went to the dentist a while ago to have my braces removed finally, after 5 years i'm completely braces-less :) last Dec 2005, i had the top braces removed and now just a while ago it was completely removed yay! haha. that's all actually.

just because...

... i can no longer hear his... haha. i'm too emo now. :p so back to microbio!

incoherent ramblings

so there i was listening to the radio when i heard about the teen blog awards and i gave it a shot, went to candymag.com and nominated this blog (haha, im such a loser. :p) nah but seriously, i thought it would be fun. but for the blog to be eligible i had to place a digital sticker by posting an html code that they'll send to me. but when i nominated my blog i realized that the e-mail addy in my candymag.com profile is obsolete. so there. i can't join anymore :( sad sad. haha. 'cause i tried again and they said that "the blog has already been nominated". oh well. maybe next year.. BUT i'd no longer be a teen then. grrrr. haha. it's really funny that i'm rambling about this.

EDITED 03-23-07
i finally have my teen blog awards sticker. but i just borrowed it from a friend's blog and my blog can't be found on the site itself so i don't really know if it's for real haha. (soo blog awards officials tell me lang what i should do hehe) and i now get why i rambled about it.. it's cause i miss candy :) i've treasured so many coc3 memories and somehow i've got so many regrets like how i wasn't involved as much. hopefully someday us coc girls get together again :P miss you guys!


anyway i was playing insaniquarium last night and all my fish died. so i read my polsci readings instead. in relation to that i found out that i lacked a paper woopee. there goes my hopes for exemption down the drain. i just hope sir claudio allows me to pass a late one. thanks to hsm i missed the crucial sat class where he announced that extra paper thing, and my good friends apparently forgot to tell me. and now it's too late... well i hope not.

a while ago i was watching joyluck club and got depressed 'cause my mom's leaving on the 31st. that means i'll be a mom for two months and i'll be lacking a best friend. sucks to be me.

sir guidote told me that i had no choice but to fight. yeah like i'm gonna stop. oh well i've got one last hurrah. the finals. like that would do me good. F here i come.

so what else? i have a post lab to do. the last chem post lab i'm ever going to make in life. hmm. too emo.

that's that. now to get my head back in the game.

so i had a good day

i woke up early enough to review a bit for my microbio lab exam. i was able to memorize all the biochemical tests and all that jazz. i got to school early enough to grab a hot choco from figaro, sing disney songs with my friends and continue to review my notes. come test time, i was relaxed enough and was able to identify an unknown bacteria. lol. so anyway after the test, i went back to matteo, bothered my friends again. haha. and afterwards, i went home and slept. 4 long hours. and i woke up again early enough to read my polsci notes and download the things i needed for microbio tomorrow.

i know that all those things are mundane, things an ordinary bio student would do. but it's been a long time since i was able to do all those things. and i missed it, being an ordinary student. i guess the rush of high school musical has left me, and all the stress from orgchem became normal. and every little thing i took for granted, like hot chocolate or powerpoints, i suddenly felt grateful for. and no matter how ordinary everything was, it felt so good. like i had a good day. and sometimes you just have to lose yourself in all the ordinary things to realize that LIFE is special. and all the stress (sufferings) you go through are worth it, once you experience the peace of an ordinary day.

tales of the misfit in me

here i am again after the orgchem test. and somehow i no longer care. karlo says maybe i'm too saturated. no. it's not that. i just lost all feeling related to it. like i no longer am part of that environment, like i'm invisible in orgchem class. or something like that. my mind keeps drifting away to some other things. like microbio, philo or something as shallow as what to do during the weekend. i don't get it. i know i have to do well, as in really well. heck i'm on probation. and i don't want to repeat my ordeal last summer. that was HELL. but i just hope and pray that i'm going to do fine, despite an F. since i just got an A in philo and well a B in microbio. good enough. BUT soon, i want to do more. i wanna be MORE. after all the shit i've been going through. zero love life, zero social life, less than steady academic life, close to negative spiritual life. all i know and truly believe.. is that when i keep going, i win. only when i give up do i truly lose.

post-production hangover part two

part two? 'cause this is the exact same feeling i had after sweet charity. and for some reason, the second hangover is worse. maybe 'cause i wasn't that quiet or shy anymore and had reason to bond with almost everyone. and i really had FUN. and i keep thinking that the stress and the missed study hours were worth it. being a stage manager for high school musical is by far one of the best experiences i've had in life.

i'll miss ms. chari's sudden call for "SMs" when something's terribly wrong. being a stage manager under her is really great training, and you're taught to never slack off and be responsible and credible enough so the cast listens to you.

i'll miss the cast, and how i had to take note of their blockings their entrances and all that jazz. i'll miss the quick backstage laughs, the com set, cleaning up after zeke's cake and cleaning sharpay's costume after a while. i don't regret having my pinky sprained, haha because i'll miss catching that basketball. :) i'll miss calling battlestations and being stressed out 'cause the cellphone props are gone.

i'll miss the production crew. jaja who's the best hsm, can't imagine how she survived that. love yah sister! cyndee, who's my siamese twin haha slash mom. kitin, my co-stage right manager, TRUST! haha. i love it! thanks for putting up with my sudden spurts of katarayan.

i guess i'll miss everything. the bleachers, not so much! haha. and i can't wait to see everyone again. whether in a party (hint hint) or through backstage again or hopefully someday on stage. I LOVE YOU GUYS. good luck sa lahat ng BATTLESTATIONS na madaanan niyo. and if you need anything i'm here. just don't call me ate if you're older than me. haha :)

february 29

if only one extra day were added to this month right now
extra 24 hours would do me a lot of good
more time to sleep, to study, to eat.
one day can make all the difference in the world.
trust me. just ONE day.