tales of the misfit in me

here i am again after the orgchem test. and somehow i no longer care. karlo says maybe i'm too saturated. no. it's not that. i just lost all feeling related to it. like i no longer am part of that environment, like i'm invisible in orgchem class. or something like that. my mind keeps drifting away to some other things. like microbio, philo or something as shallow as what to do during the weekend. i don't get it. i know i have to do well, as in really well. heck i'm on probation. and i don't want to repeat my ordeal last summer. that was HELL. but i just hope and pray that i'm going to do fine, despite an F. since i just got an A in philo and well a B in microbio. good enough. BUT soon, i want to do more. i wanna be MORE. after all the shit i've been going through. zero love life, zero social life, less than steady academic life, close to negative spiritual life. all i know and truly believe.. is that when i keep going, i win. only when i give up do i truly lose.