memory

and then i said 'there was this guy, as how every girl's adventure starts'
damn that line..

"Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Pretend we had one."

that on the other hand is from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind... As Clementine is being erased from Joel's mind, these lines are part of her last few words in Joely's brain during his first ever memory of her.. if that's unclear, watch the movie and you'll get my point..

and there are so many times where i wish a company like Lacuna Inc. comes up and tells me that i can have parts of my memory erased..

crazy part is, i loooove all the memories so much that while they're being erased, i'll be chasing after all of them too.. just like Joel... there and then you realize, it's impossible to live without the memories, they're part of the rainbow that keeps on coloring your life.. ghastly, painful, crazy or happy..

so i'll be keeping those memories.. besides the fact that i have no choice.. i guess you learn to love living with them.. and without those, maybe i'll never learn :)

there's no...

there's no tomorrow
where i don't see your face

there's no today
that i don't wish you were here

there's no tonight
where i don't dream of you

No Ordinary Morning - Chicane

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

We moved too fast but I had no signs
I would try to turn the hands of time
I look to you for the reason why
The love we had passed me by

And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me
You've closed your eyes you don't longer see

There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralysed

You could give a million reasons change the world and change the time
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now there is no piece of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind
You could give a million reasons change the world and change the time
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds you now there is no piece of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind

i just couldn't resist....

i know i'm supposed to be studying.. oh but i just adore taking "wala lang" quizzes... hahaha.. :) here, have a laugh..

You Are Smokin' Hot

You're a terrible flirt, a sharp dresser, and a party animal. Of course, you're totally sizzling too. And for you, being hot just comes naturally.

Are You Hot?

Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity. For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered. You attract others with your zest for life and experiences. Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time. Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life. You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk. You connect best with: Fire Avoid: Wood You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

What Element Is Your Love?

SORRY -Maria Mena

Vague sound of rain
pierces through my song again
but I get distracted by the way his toes move when he plays
so I let it burn

I just poured my heart out
there's bits of it on the floor
And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water
And call him up for more

And I say baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
so sorry

He grabs my wrist
as my fingers turn into angry fists
and I whisper why can't you love me, I'll change for you
I'll play the part

And I say baby, so I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
I am sorry

what again?

so i say to myself, shut up and listen...

and i've been saying that too many times nowadays and i forget what i have to hear..i'm back to losing my sense of direction.. and i question the "who am i's" again... so now i have a new batch of questions.. namely: what's next? am i still right? what now? am i happy?

oh well God, i know you're still there.. and i find myself here again.. LOST.. and i abhor this feeling.. i'm the type of person who plans the major stuff and the minor ones come spontaneously.. but now i've lost my majors too.. grrr.. so now what? i was thinking of transferring to UST, taking up Journalism.. then get really high grades then transfer to UP.. and what if i want to do that just to prove that i'm really good at something.. that it's so not me to be under probation.. but then again, what do i really wanna be? there are so many things on my mind that it's so hard not to lose focus.. and that's the thing i need...

sooo, pray for me.. for complete peace.. i need that.. and i'm close to going crazy.. and i know slowly this messed up storm will come to an end.. i just have to listen.. and to trust God.. and whatever leaps i need to take, i'm all ears...

when days are cold

it's one of 'em saturdays where i'm stuck at home..
but right now, i am definitely loving this feeling!
i am finally rewarded with a break...
this morning, our fieldtrip to Wawa Dam got cancelled..
which is why i got to sleep a whole lot longer!!
i'm too lazy to even check my cellphone and read messages or something..
just a while ago, i finished the last disc of Friends season 3..
and i'm savoring every bit of this r&r day
you just hafta love every minute of life
and how things work for the better in the end

when things go wrong
i keep telling myself that things happen for a reason
and maybe right at this time, i'm back on track

now for more couch potato moments!!!

quick tribute..

to the person who keeps helping me forget
you're right there the moment i need you most
i don't ask for it, you just get there when you can

so for the second time in a row
you slowly help me up back on my feet
phew!

i love you for it
you're just perfect for the part
no feelings involved, yet ever so sweet

thanks for catching me again!

a short story...

to summarize my past four- six months... since i sincerely want to end this... there was this guy, as how every girl's adventure starts.. he told me he liked me.. and i was sooo anti-relationship then.. but after a while, i realized i liked this guy back.. but things happened, people change.. and my anti-relationship aura was so strong.. i was left hanging, something i probably deserved.. but then and there, i realized i was falling in love with this guy... come february, being the girl who always got her way.. i called him, asked him what happened.. although i don't think i spilled the fact that i fell in love.. 'cause that's not me.. i don't fall for people whom i know i can't have.. but silly me, i just did...i was half wishing he'd say that it's all he wanted to hear, but i knew i wasn't gonna get that.. so, just friends it was.. he said somethin' like i'd rather be friends with you than nothing? somethin' like that.. and i guess, that was also my honest feeling.. i still wanted to be friends with this dude, who was a really important friend to me in the first place.. there and then i said Ok to 'just friends'.. believing in my heart that it was what i truly wanted.. and besides, nobody replaced me just yet.. there was my mistake.. he found another one, a girl really close to me too.. how small can the world get? i couldn't compete with that.. well, i had no plans to.. i was a friend remember? so, i forgot about him.. about the feeling.. everything.. then come april.. with everything forgiven, everything ok.. i just felt it, like the wind breezing back through my hair.. i was still in love with this guy.. and there i was in a secluded place with him and the girl and many other people.. and no matter how i wanna say, i fell in love with you stupid! wasn't it obvious.. i admittedly couldn't.. he was happy, happier than i've ever seen him for the past few months.. happier than when he said he liked me.. that stung, big time.. like a knife stabbed through your heart, and you just keep it there... past every smile, past every laugh.. i was hurt beyond explanation.. even beyond my explanation.. it stung emotionally.. but it also did, physically.. i honestly felt my poor heart throb with pain.. that was me, the girl who could handle anything.. the girl who said she could just stand up to every fall.. and no matter how hars i tried to scrap the feeling, my heart was still screaming every happy moment i had with him... i couldn't stop talking about him.. i wanted to be with him.. maybe i really did love him? then came news i couldn't handle... the girl was getting jealous of me.. and may i remind you, she was also my close friend.. and that stung too.. i wouldn't wanna be girl in the middle... i'm done with that.. i took a step back, one amazingly huge step back that hurt me beyond reason.. i was happy with friendship, and i thought i had to give it up too.. there were nights i'd cry.. things hit me, i was sad and lonely.. unsatisfied.. i buried myself in school.. and no more drinking binges for me.. but i knew, i was honestly unhappy.. the perfect actress in me just pulled off all the smiles, the hyperness, the jokes, the funny stories.. i was still me, or so they thought.. then a few days ago, i heard from a friend that one of my girlfriends spilled that she didn't trust the guy for the girl.. and my honest feeling was, 'what?! i trust him wholeheartedly for the girl no matter how hurt i got.. woah, she has no right to say that?'... and that changed everything.. i knew i found the me i've been looking for... i'd still pull up that friend whom i loved.. beyond anyone's grasp.. that night, out of sheer coincidence.. or maybe God's perfect timing.. we got to talk.. i gave him my lines that i trusted him for this girl friend of ours.. and i felt the most sincere than i've ever felt in months.. putting my feelings aside, i'd be happy.. sooner or later.. i always end up that way.. so honesty works for me.. i also found out that the girl wasn't jealous of me so giving up the friendship was stupid.. i have to admit that everything still stings.. that's life.. and i've realized so many things about myself for the past few months.. i know a guy would never complete me, i'm complete like this.. but he can totally complement me.. like how oreo goes perfect with milk, and beer with sisig, or pork and beans.. :) and that having a relationship with someone in the barkada is ideal, because you already know each other's quirks and each other's crazy stories..i also have to admit that i wanted a relationship, i was looking for one.. and no, i'm no longer anti-relationship.. but one thing that can probably satisfy me is if i'm sure.. i want this to be the last time around.. and i know that will all happen in God's perfect timing..

so i'm truly on the process of letting go.. no butterfly should be left cooped up in a cage.. it was meant to fly.. no matter how beautiful and endearing it is, it has it's choice of where to land..

quick hello

i can't move... i tried walking my ass off... damn that boxing, but i don't regret having fun.. kinda liberating STRESS release.. but 'cause of that, i couldn't carry my butt to school this morning.. but imma work really hard to get to school... on another note, i've been having this incessant desire to have my hair chopped off.. so I DID! just a few hours ago. hmmm, i don't know what you guys are gonna expect.. but i loooove it!!! :) so anyway, i've got this lab report to finish.. gotta go!