wow.

ok i'm graduating. haha late reaction.

chasing pavements

did you know that i start my juicy sentences with the words, "did you know..." and the past four years have been filled with a lot of unexpected "did you knows," those worth smiling about, those worth sharing but there were those that i wish i never had to know in the first place. sooo what i'm saying is that it has been one hell of a ride and now its over.

and since i haven't been writing about anything but chem lately, now i can finally veer away from that topic since it's finally over and i can move one.. here's a few recent did you knows that hit me...

did you know...

...that my ex-boyfriend is having a baby this july (woohoo not with me :P ok bad joke...) and i wish him all the best.

...that i had the craziest school girl crush/ obsession on someone and a common friend of ours thinks he's gay haha. obsession over.

...that our org, BOx finally got accredited :)

...that my dog hairball gave birth to three puppies :)

...that i haven't fixed any recommendation letters/ requirements for schools imma apply to in San Francisco. tsk tsk.

...that the fact i'm graduating and closing a big chapter in my life hasn't sinked in and i have no emotions yet on that at all.

...that i still can't get my ass off the couch to do hip hop abs :P

...that i still can't see myself being in a serious committed relationship for the next few years

...that i still believe in fairy tale endings.

...that i am still looking for that certain "magic", whatever that may be, in life and love.

...and that i am thankful and forever grateful to God, to whom i owe all my did you knows to. no matter how silly they are.

realize...

ok now i get how important it is to stay focused on what u want along with having all the faith u need that u can trust God with everything, no matter how small it may seem... and i am trying to finish all the problem sets i need for chem... and sitting down here in front of the pc while on break gives me time to realize that there are so many things to be grateful for and that i shouldn't be complaining or being bummed bout anything.. it has been four years and my almost train wreck of a college life has had so many unexpected repairs, like the SOSE award for outstanding research (first prize baby!), being part of orgs that help me find out who i am, having so many friends that love, care and support me and make life sooo much better, and to have a family that loves me for me.. so it hasn't been bad, it has been great. the thing is we amplify the bad parts because we're human, imperfect and all.. but thankfully God's there to remind me, there's always a rainbow after the rain.. cheesy but true..

on the lighter side of life, i am thankful for parties as well since worries are forgotten in a way, and u get to share the love with friends.. and falling in LIKE is the most perfect thing in the world.. another thing i realized is how perfect it was that i decided to stay single my whole college life since my plans involve a one-woman show... for now at least.. my last relationships (committed or not) have been hellish roller coaster rides and i hate roller coasters.. so an inkling of hand holding and crap leaves me scared senseless and confused and oh come on , it was a little thing but i still do have that school girl crush.. someday imma find someone who'll make me realize that we're perfect for each other, now not just yet...

looking back, i can no longer afford to be sulky and annoyed...life has a lot of surprises and too many downs as well, but the ups and the beautiful moments make it so worth it... so im living in the present taking it one day at a time and trusting God for the scary things that are yet to come. it's gonna be good. :)

anxiety strikes

ok so i'm scared... hella scared, i'm just used to putting on this smile for everyone.. but not going to school last monday was a decision i had to make 'cause i was too scared of facing reality.. what if i don't march on the 29th, i was assured by a friend that the chem chair said we would but i just don't know... i'm not scared of the grade imma make at the end coz i know imma pass it's just that what if the computation doesn't reach d graduation deadline... i'm not scared for my sake, it's just that i can't face my parents and my tito and tita and tell 'em there's no grad to attend... i do have jumping tendencies as well, fbr is a really tall building... so ok i may be over reacting... but i've had my life planned out.. and i have made too many mistakes as well.. so it was my bad.. and i am scared. ok i admit it now, i'm scared and i am not too ok. and worried too. i told myself imma leave all probs to God, to faith, and well i admit i lack faith once in a while.. especially when my hormones are working against me due to my period.. wahhh.. ok after everything things will be ok. Ok God, i'm leaving it all to you now. give me strength i sooooooo need it.

so it's still not over...

for me at least... i have chem to conquer hahaha.. after that it's over... pray with me people!!! hahaha... but last week was worth it.... after a tiring year we get to win 1st prize for the applied science category of SOSE awards for outstanding student research.. hahaha :P i love cyndee and steven! hehe. well anyway im tamad to blog... i still have a friggin chem class 2mrw.. boo... this will all be over soon :D

sleep is still a luxury

ok so everything ends on March 4. That's that. graduation's next wooooohoooooo.... :)