what to do when there's nothing left...

smile and get over it.

i was once asked if it's possible to just fall out of love just like that, when u wake up in the morning it's all over, i said NO. but i do believe it's possible to fall out of like as fast as possible... it just hits you, bam, and it's all over. and you end up laughing at yourself for all the fantasies you've managed to indulge in. crazy and yet fun. at least for a while you felt as if romance was in the air and you'd get purple roses one day. but No, it ends. inevitably, it's just LIKE... it ends. falling in love on the other hand, well i have to wait and see.

on obsessions and crushes

the single life is the happy life (for now at least)... and that line is what i've been used to saying for the longest time and i believe it from the bottom of my heart (it's as real as my hatred for chem :P) a friend of mine thought i say it bitterly, i don't.. sometimes though i still say it in my unhappy moments which aren't related to my being single. but no matter how hard i looove this happy life, i also know that as a human being it's perfectly normal to have crushes, obsessions and obsessive crushes. :P and i admit i've had a few, one for every year of college haha. yep one, i'm picky haha. and now that my priorities are set (med school in singapore or US, wish me luck!) and that i'm now currently employed, i'm left with very few worries. and with a blank mind (since i haven't started studying for MCAT :P imma start in June promise!) free to wander into mindless thought, i now am open to dating... but not anybody, just one specific person (see i'm still picky haha). with no reason whatsoever there's just this guy that puts a smile on my face. ok fine, there's a reason, he sings like an angel haha. slowly the obsessive crushing begins, and it's fun. although in the long run imma end up saying the single life is the happy life, at least for a while i allow myself to indulge in girly fantasies and have the hopeless romantic in me creep out :P BUT, priorities are still my number one thing and there's med and all my life i've dreamt of becoming a doctor... nothing's gonna change that. i'm still gonna fall in love, AFTER everything falls into place or when God says so :P

i got a booboo..

ok i don't haha. but i'm down with the flu. apparently it's a not so good idea to go swimming after a sleepless night hahaha :P so i'm stuck at home... and tomorrow imma visit the ASMPH-ers with thyndeeeee :D yay. maybe i got sick of being too cooped up at home hahaha. anyway i've really got nothing to say i'm just really booooored wahahaha.

what do happy people have that i don't

i realize now that i'm not as happy as i thought i was. coming clean and picking honesty over sugarcoated crap, i've come to realize that maybe i wanted to go to San Francisco to escape... i've gone through stuff that i didn't wanna handle and i hit my quitting points and wanted to forget about it by leaving. i took a year off not for San Fo but for the fact that i was scared of taking the NMAT, i couldn't face my score because i believed i was gonna suck, basing that on the fact that i didn't do well in college and i almost didn't graduate. i couldn't face myself in the mirror and dream big coz i've failed miserably. i'm single because i'm scared of who i'll be in a relationship because i hate clingy people and insensitive ones and because i've been hurt one too many times and i'm supposed to be made of stone. i talk about my past with old friends coz i can't believe that it's my past and i would love for it to be erased. FINE i get it i do have issues and i blog about it coz i don't want to pay someone to listen to my woes and i don't wanna hear a reaction or see one. i HATE my imperfections and i abhor that i can't handle 'em like the way i could listen to my friends' probs and give the best advice ever. i hate that i can't just listen to me and be better. i hate that i'm scared. what do happy people have? acceptance. and that i still have to work on.

paradigm shift

i'd love to date you... if only..

i'm hoping you'd love me for me and we could skip the meet the parents part and just go all googly eyed and mushy and fall in love and other things couples do...

i dunno why i think about you or why you're in my dreams and yet i'm not complaining..

you make me laugh, that's perfect.

and i can't help but wait.

exposed

eradicating all traces of my fast paced life has been good for me, except for my weight probably :P and now that i've got things sorted out, i have an idea of where i'm headed haha. i sat by the shore during my Bicol trip with the fam for an hour and just said "God help!!"and i figured He has been there all my life i trust Him so imma shut up now and just go wherever He takes me. (happy mode)

i haven't been good. meaning- i haven't finished any application to schools in San Fo due to the fact that nothing's been happening financially and paper-wise haha. besides that i've been lying around doing nothing and falling back to my old ways. tsk tsk. i guess stress was bad BUT doin totally nothing is worse. He'll take me back, i wanna be ready now. but i'm not, i dunno, probably i'm still lost with this wherever He takes me thing (i did shut up but i'm still lost). i dream of Singapore now, i like it there, i'm renewing my passport and taking the MCAT soon. yah, i'm still leaving. people always leave (emo mode)

why can't i make the first move? i wanna know if he's into me coz i can't read signs :P i'm usually not the "omg i have a crush" type but i'm starting to be haha. i dreamt of him. this is crazy... i'm gonna regret this sooner or later. why can't i make the first move? (googly eyed mode)

i'm gaining weight or not losing weight at all i dunno. i hate this. i hate that i can't get my ass of the bed or couch to exercise. so undisciplined. and yet i keep complaining. i'm just gonna cook, that makes me thin.. coz i enjoy watching people eat what i cook and forget to eat haha. if i was thinner would he? haha, i think bout it still... stop. (insecure mode)

anyway, i'm excited. new life phase, new adventures, love, life, God. everything is wow. and i can't help but wait. every morning is an uber beautiful new day. although i don't show it at times i am completely satisfied... i do have my "episodes" haha, but that's me imperfect procrastinating complaining perfectionist who wants things done her way and letting that go has been hard haha. what am i doing now? i'm in transition :P this is the transition phase before i embark on the perilous journey that is med school. it was my choice since i knew i'd go crazy without a break. and it's gonna be worth it. (han mode :P)

apples

got this from the multiply of an old friend and found it really cute haha.. :P and i agree with what it says too..