what do happy people have that i don't

i realize now that i'm not as happy as i thought i was. coming clean and picking honesty over sugarcoated crap, i've come to realize that maybe i wanted to go to San Francisco to escape... i've gone through stuff that i didn't wanna handle and i hit my quitting points and wanted to forget about it by leaving. i took a year off not for San Fo but for the fact that i was scared of taking the NMAT, i couldn't face my score because i believed i was gonna suck, basing that on the fact that i didn't do well in college and i almost didn't graduate. i couldn't face myself in the mirror and dream big coz i've failed miserably. i'm single because i'm scared of who i'll be in a relationship because i hate clingy people and insensitive ones and because i've been hurt one too many times and i'm supposed to be made of stone. i talk about my past with old friends coz i can't believe that it's my past and i would love for it to be erased. FINE i get it i do have issues and i blog about it coz i don't want to pay someone to listen to my woes and i don't wanna hear a reaction or see one. i HATE my imperfections and i abhor that i can't handle 'em like the way i could listen to my friends' probs and give the best advice ever. i hate that i can't just listen to me and be better. i hate that i'm scared. what do happy people have? acceptance. and that i still have to work on.