exposed

eradicating all traces of my fast paced life has been good for me, except for my weight probably :P and now that i've got things sorted out, i have an idea of where i'm headed haha. i sat by the shore during my Bicol trip with the fam for an hour and just said "God help!!"and i figured He has been there all my life i trust Him so imma shut up now and just go wherever He takes me. (happy mode)

i haven't been good. meaning- i haven't finished any application to schools in San Fo due to the fact that nothing's been happening financially and paper-wise haha. besides that i've been lying around doing nothing and falling back to my old ways. tsk tsk. i guess stress was bad BUT doin totally nothing is worse. He'll take me back, i wanna be ready now. but i'm not, i dunno, probably i'm still lost with this wherever He takes me thing (i did shut up but i'm still lost). i dream of Singapore now, i like it there, i'm renewing my passport and taking the MCAT soon. yah, i'm still leaving. people always leave (emo mode)

why can't i make the first move? i wanna know if he's into me coz i can't read signs :P i'm usually not the "omg i have a crush" type but i'm starting to be haha. i dreamt of him. this is crazy... i'm gonna regret this sooner or later. why can't i make the first move? (googly eyed mode)

i'm gaining weight or not losing weight at all i dunno. i hate this. i hate that i can't get my ass of the bed or couch to exercise. so undisciplined. and yet i keep complaining. i'm just gonna cook, that makes me thin.. coz i enjoy watching people eat what i cook and forget to eat haha. if i was thinner would he? haha, i think bout it still... stop. (insecure mode)

anyway, i'm excited. new life phase, new adventures, love, life, God. everything is wow. and i can't help but wait. every morning is an uber beautiful new day. although i don't show it at times i am completely satisfied... i do have my "episodes" haha, but that's me imperfect procrastinating complaining perfectionist who wants things done her way and letting that go has been hard haha. what am i doing now? i'm in transition :P this is the transition phase before i embark on the perilous journey that is med school. it was my choice since i knew i'd go crazy without a break. and it's gonna be worth it. (han mode :P)