kopiroti

i was chillin' at kopiroti the other night, studying for a chem chapter test, and moping about still being here in this place that i really wanna get out of.. i go on ranting and ranting to my dad or mom that i wanna leave, breathe some fresh air, blah blah..sometimes i just hate the country.

but then again, i never wanted to leave... so what's leading me to do it now? is it an escape or did i just allow myself to get lost in decisions i make alone.

in times that i turn my back on God, it's simply amazing how He can just reach out and guide you back. and admitting the fact that i got lost again removes all those prickly thorns that seem to be bothering my brain, and worse my heart.

so one good reason..that's all i asked in my heart of hearts. one mind-changing reason that would give me strength to stay for a little more. what i saw? what i heard? what God gave? hope. a heartwarming virtue that i seemed to have lost along the way. hope. i lost hope in every person in this heartbreaking complicated world, but i got it back through a child's unmistakeable joy.

you see there were two boys selling sampaguitas outside the coffee shop i was in, and one rich looking guy with a bmw bought some sampaguita necklaces and gave the boys an extra gift (it was a yoyo) that he got from the trunk of his car. amazing. and i thought people no longer shared and i thought people no longer cared.

boy was i wrong. there's always hope. hope in the eyes of a child that he may be allowed to feel like a real child again. hope in the eyes of a man, that he continuously becomes a blessing to those who need it. and hope in the eyes of a girl, 'cause if God's with you, there'd never be an impossible path.

all you wanted

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the time comes
I'd take you away

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah

[x2]
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

(Michelle Branch-- All You Wanted)

how to LOVE being single

1) enjoy YOU for who you are! get to know yourself and learn to love you more.. with lotsa self-confidence on your side, everything about you would fall in place :)

2) have no expectations on special occasions..
didn't get that bouquet of flowers you wanted or the box of chocolates that you were supposed to get from your special someone?? well without a special someone (yet), you get to appreciate surprises so much more when you do get stuff like that on certain days.

3) spend unlimited time with friends and have a carefree night out!! smile at whoever, meet new people, wear whatever suits you!! no one needs to dictate what you have to do and you need not ask permission from whoever.

4) be able to date lots of people (hence the term: collect and select)

5) there will be a lot of time on your hands for you to be able to accomplish everything you have to w/o worrying 'bout time allotment for this certain someone you're obligated to hang out with.

6) your options are open!! if your family suddenly decides to leave the country, you need not suffer and uber painful teary goodbye..

7) spend time with God!! thank him for everything!! hey, you do survive without a boyfriend right?? so enjoy life and thank God he gives u the satisfaction you need!

8) be able to make an excellent choice when the time is right :) fall in love for unhurried reasons and find the person your meant to have. that makes the wait worthwhile!!

see? so if people ask me who my valentine is, i'd proudly say: i'm still patiently looking for him, and it wouldn't bother me if i couldn't find him this valentine's day. :)

at a loss

stuck in my head
no matter what i do
can't get it out
i keep thinking of what if
i bother myself with maybe

too shriveled to get out of my cocoon
but feeling strong enough to fly

can you just tell me, who are you?
tell me what i am to you..

even if that means the end
that i'm no longer the one in your head

i'd want to hear it still
just so i could get you out of my system
be able to grow up and fly away
but still get a chance to say

'you were right
i was boring
i would fall
in the end, yes i was wrong'

OR

'i was bitchy
i came on too strong
probably was also hard on you
said things i didn't mean
acted like i didn't care
even if inside i really did'

doesn't matter much now if it hurts
doesn't matter much now what's next
'cause like i said
i'm strong enough to let go
strong enough to fly away
strong enough to say:
thanks, 'cause just for a lil while you glanced my way

sweet charity

SweeT ChaRitY
a story of a girl who wanted to be loved...
show schedules:
feb 24 7pm
feb 25 3pm and 7pm
mar 3 7pm
mar 4 3pm and 7pm

brought to you by: Ateneo Blue Repertory

butterfly

she sang me a bittersweet symphony
perched by my windowsill
the rain slowly poured out
drop by drop, i felt it
the gust of wind that breezed through
the icy feel removing the warmth left
the room was no longer my shelter

i had wings
i could fly
but the showering was too strong to bear
the frosty wind was against me
i stare helplessly into the night
waiting, wishing, and hoping

then it stopped
left in pitchblack silence
nothingness
was i deaf, speechless, or blind?
i was alone

then she sang a bittersweet symphony
penetrating the complete hush that enveloped me
the shrill voice belting out her lament
yet the beauty of the song, unmistakeable
chills ran down my spine
the song, the voice, it was mine

think about it (edited)

faced with the reality that there is a probability that i could leave the Philippines, leaves me excited and actually wishing for it...
weird..true..because last i checked, i was deeply rooted in place..right here, in my place..
but then i realized, my place could be anywhere in the world as long as you feel your best and think that you're living each day to the full..when your drive is full throttle and your inspirations are bursting everyday..sadly, i lost that here..and i'm no longer in the mood to look for it.. which is why i want a fresh start, something new and extremely different...

and i didn't tell anybody yet..i just say it like it's not gonna happen...
but honestly, if things fall in place by apriL..
if my mom gets accepted as a teacher and is asked to start by september this year
i actually volunteered to be the one to accompany her
my dad and brothers would only follow the year after..
i simply said "tell me by april how it goes so i can immediately get my transcript..as soon as my papers are fixed, i'll get on a plane and go.."
just like that..

think about it, would it be that easy?
just to get up and go..pack the bags, board a plane, and then look back..
no..not easy at all
but no matter how hard it would be, whether or not it'd be this year or the next or whenever it may happen..
i am no longer forced to do it..
i actually found reasons for this short uprooting to be a helpful and hopefully wonderful experinece...
i hope things fall in place...i need that to happen...
and maybe when i get back home.. (6-10 years from now)
things will be far better...

day two

fair enough..
i think i brought my brain with me this time..
:)

glad there's no rehearsals today...i feel tired and i think i needed some me time.. oh and wish me luck on my oatmeal, fruits and NO rice diet.. haha! i really need to lessen my fats but keep the weight..somethin' like that..all i have to do is tummy and upper arm trimming...haha! good luck to me on that! by march...hmmm...that's my goal..i'll be ok by march! :)

nothin much to say 'ere today..need some rest...will write somethin worth reading soon!

smoochies!

first day

january 4..

1st day of classes for the year 2006! and i was up by 7am, was ready by 8am and in school by 8:15. yes, my new year resolution of not being late still isn't broken!! :) yiipppee!! i brought everything, then i realized i forgot one thing at home... my brain... :(

i was sitting in histology lab class staring blankly at my cat's lung slide magnified 400x and trying hard to look for a terminal bronchiole....sheesh..and well yah, i found it but didn't have the strength to draw it... i tapped my seatmate and offered my microscope for him to look at.. he was very happy because he needn't find the terminal bronchioles and whatever in his slides.. and joyfully said, 'han cool, your slide is complete! thanks ha!'.. and i think i mumbled something like yeah basta let me copy your drawings.. so class started at 1pm and i ended by 4.30pm! something that doesn't normally happen to me! i just had to draw a few stuff...but i don't know.. i felt lost...i was still bubbly and all but what i really wanted to do was run out, take a deep breath, and i don't know get some space? scream everything out? for once in my life i can say that i'm really not sure what i felt and i had nothing to say about it.. bottom line, my first day sucked.. just hoping for a far better tomorrow..

and maybe...if i dug deeper...it wasn't my brain that i lost..

probably something like...

my heart...