paranoia

a disease that sucks the life out of someone happily in love...

the hypothetical cure: assurance, hugs, kisses, and more love.

still a little sick though.. i blame me. haha. the last time i was in a girlfriend position, i was high school... foolish and stupid.. cheating was cool.. being crazy was cool.. but to truly fall in love.. that's a new thing for me.. i don't like getting hurt, i don't like feeling.. i hate romantic movies.. i am jaded... that's me.. so the paranoia is purely my fault.. and the person i decided to fall in love with... i watched him, fall in love with someone else so deeply to the point where i laughed inside because i told myself, that will never happen to me... well it did... ironically, i fell for him... and yes he tells me and shows me how in love he is with me.. and how past is past.. blah blah blah.. but oh so jaded and poor poor me, i still have paranoia.. and nightmares.. and i randomly ask friends if we are ok... or if i'm going crazy.. or worse, if i am right... the best thing i've heard... "if he was like that for the wrong girl, how much more in love will he be for the right girl.. and you are the right girl." to the person who said that, YOU made my night... but i do hope i am the right girl... and that my falling so crazy deeply in love will be worth it. to be me and to be in love with my bestfriend. crazy shit. haha.