jagged edge of life

i know i keep telling myself that i KNOW, i seriously don't know if i have let go. and i'm speaking in general. see, i miss my old kada... i never meant to hurt them, and well i guess they didn't mean it as well.. but za's message recently struck me like i'm the bad guy in this circle of life. well maybe i am and maybe i was. and i told myself to LET GO, sides i already said sorry. but i know somewhere something's different. things will never be the same. and i know i've been told again and again that someday this would happen... things you'd love to stay constant would change. and if you can't adapt.. try accepting, if not, then let go, the worse kind of let go. and i know i love 'em too much to just up and leave but i'm in the stage of not wanting to accept. i know it's mean and out of character for me BUT i tried and well i just can't. maybe one too many mistakes have been done or events that asked me to pull back. and it's too different. i miss you guys. i'd love to be back and be IN IT with you guys again. i miss the circle, the confession bench, the inner circle, shisha, the laughs, the tears and time spent just sitting together. but time isn't on my side and so are my emotions. but trust me when i say that i didn't leave, i'm still here. just not in the way you wanted me to be. and for that i'm sorry.